dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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