you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
