I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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