Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
