Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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