roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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