Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
