she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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