worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
