I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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