He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
