Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
