Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize