i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
