I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
