Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just put wine in my tea
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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