At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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