I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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