I'm going to rape someone's good day.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
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Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
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No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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