What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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