and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
