I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
