I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
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Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
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I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize