Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
