It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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