why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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