smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
