dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
