hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
