U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
