I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
