WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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