we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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