I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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