this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
