i always forget guys have bellybuttons
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
