Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
