overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
