I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
