Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
