my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
