Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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