This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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