I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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