This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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