when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
