This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
