Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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