I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
