Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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