I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
