Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize