Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
