will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
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We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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