I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
