I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
