Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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