You work out of a Hotel?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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