oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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